Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
