I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
