How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
He told me they were just razor bumps!
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
