If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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