She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
