Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize