How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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