And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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