threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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