so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You need Xanax blowdarts
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
