Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
