I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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