I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Don't tell me you're on acid again
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