This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
