So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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