Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
