if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Edward fifth and chaser hands
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
