he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
