that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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