Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I just found puke in my bra..
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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