I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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