New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
