24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
