I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize