I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
