I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize