i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
