yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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