you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
