Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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