I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Operation Purity has been aborted
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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