My room smells like vodka and shame
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
