Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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