Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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