Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
