During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
COCAINE IS GR8
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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