I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
