take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
