I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
