Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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