How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
