my mouth tastes like poor choices
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
