you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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