I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
