She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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