I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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