We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
