If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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