Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
