i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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