um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
