Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
