I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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