i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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