xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
