if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
