living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
