none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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