awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
