I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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