I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
