My nipple is on Facebook.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
