It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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