Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
