there's paper in my vomit.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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