I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
