I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
i now understand why vodka
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
