i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize