Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
