I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
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