I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
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