Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize