its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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