I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
