I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
