Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
