Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
