theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
