just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
