The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
