he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
