this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
