i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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