I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
