i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Randomize
