i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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