And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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