how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
