The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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