things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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