Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
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