Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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