I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
