I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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