I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize