I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
