just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
