Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
