found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
