Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
