believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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