I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Randomize
