P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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