you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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