every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
they're like a gay fantastic four
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
