Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
